We took care of her, and you took care of us
Frannie and DJ share a little about their family’s cancer journey, and how food support has communicated care in many ways.
A little about us
Hi! We’re Frannie and DJ, parents to Gavin (17), Emerie (13), and River (3). We both have our “mini-mes.” Gavin is extroverted like Frannie. He’s currently into bodybuilding and weightlifting, which became his outlet during our family’s cancer journey. Emerie is a natural introvert, just like her dad, and her passion is for horse riding.
River is our family’s joy – a constant source of entertainment. We were at a racetrack event last year and River – three days into chemo treatment – was running in circles telling everyone she was doing the horse races too. She said, “You gotta put your bums in the air,” like the jockeys, “but don’t toot!” She thought that if a jockey farts, they lose the race!
We moved to Kelowna from Edmonton at the tail end of Covid. It had been on our bucket list for a long time because we had done several trips there and knew we would love it. On one of our visits, we filled out a rental application on impulse, thinking, “We can’t go back to flat and cold Edmonton!” The application was accepted, and within a month we packed all our belongings and moved provinces, away from all of our friends and family.
Life before the diagnosis
Frannie: In the couple of years before River’s diagnosis, we had gone through huge challenges as a family. As well as moving from Alberta, we experienced business shifts, I found out I was pregnant with River, and then experienced pregnancy complications. We went through some mental health challenges in the family. Almost every pillar of life that had previously been solid was hit, and we felt shaken.
We were just starting to get a breath of air and find some solid footing when the biggest shock came: River was diagnosed with acute leukemia.
We had all gotten sick in the family, but for some reason River just wasn’t recovering. She was tired and pale and wanted to sleep so much – it was so unlike our little energizer bunny. Being new to Kelowna, we didn’t have a family doctor. I took her to Emergency and we were sent home with an electrolyte drink for possible dehydration. It didn’t sit right with me, so I had to advocate for a second opinion. The doctor who delivered River was thankfully willing to fit her in for an appointment, and it was that very same day that she got flown into Vancouver with life-threateningly low blood counts.
How our lives changed
DJ: Frannie and River went to Vancouver, while I stayed home with Gavin, Emerie, and our pets. We had to make a snap decision about where to locate everyone, and we decided to try and keep a certain level of normalcy for our other kids.
Everything was put into uncertainty, especially that first week. Not being present with them and not knowing what was happening was challenging. The waiting is the hardest part, thinking, “I hope they don’t tell me the absolute worst.” Living long distance as a family was a strain. Maintaining an income, caring for River’s siblings, and all the household responsibilities immediately transferred to me.
I started taking on any additional jobs flexible enough to allow me to work around visiting Frannie and River in the hospital. I worked as many hours as I could to cover our mounting costs. As a solo entrepreneur, we don’t have the same medical benefits as employees often can access – time off equals no income in, and the travel costs alone were high.
I’d try to build my schedule around the kids’ routines, but some things had to be cut, like Emerie’s beloved riding. Funds needed to be redirected and spread across two cities. All of it was tough to coordinate. I had to simplify household chores because some days I would work 16 hours straight and come home to find every dish had been used. Gavin and Emerie had to instantly mature to take on more life responsibilities.
Frannie: Everything changed in an instant. On hearing “cancer,” I immediately thought “Is my daughter dying?” When they said “Go home, pack a bag, the jet’s on its way,” I couldn’t process what was happening. I was trying to get my head around the diagnosis, but life didn’t stop to allow for this. We were thrust into the hospital environment and it felt like a tornado.
We would settle into a routine with treatment and then a new drug with different side effects would be introduced. We faced constant transitions and trauma. River was 23 months old when she was diagnosed, so there was so much she couldn’t comprehend. How could I explain to my one-year-old everything that was happening to her, what a hospital is, and why she needed to be there hooked up to machines instead of playing with her family? In the ten months spent in Vancouver, River and I only got to go home for one week.
I’m still trying to process the fact that this all happened.
Our first WCK meals
Frannie: The overnight move to Vancouver and immediate string of assessments meant those first days were a whirlwind. By day three, I’d barely gone to the bathroom. You just can’t leave your child. River was on isolation and neither of us had eaten. By the time we finally got into a room, the hospital wasn’t serving food. One of the nurses offered to bring us a frozen meal from the WCK freezer and told me that it was for me, as well as for her.
You almost need someone to put the food in front of your face. It’s a basic need that drops off your own radar entirely. I can’t eat dairy so the nurse found me a vegan lasagna. My mouth got nowhere near it – River dove off the bed and ate the whole thing! So we got another one. We went through a few lasagnas that night. That first meal was when I actually noticed I was hungry. At that moment, it was the best tasting lasagna ever.
River’s first main medication was steroids, which can cause food fixation. She only wanted the vegan lasagna for a whole month straight. We also bought out the nearest stores – she ate over five a day. Whenever she woke, she wanted it. You could usually find us in the kitchen for her midnight snack, and at 3AM, and 5AM... I’m so glad the WCK freezer was restocked every week!
DJ: My first meal in the hospital was on July 5, right when I first got there. The food was waiting for us and I had the vegan mac and cheese. That moment was special. The photo of us eating our meal together is my profile picture for Frannie on my phone. Eating that mac and cheese, it just felt so nice to be back together as a little unit. Frannie and River had been doing everything on their own for two weeks, and it was the longest we’d ever been apart. We were finally back together. We remember these meals and what they meant.
The difference meals make
Frannie: When you’re trying to be wise with health and finances while sustaining your child’s body through intensive treatments, WCK provides nourishing meals with quality ingredients. It’s healthier than a delivery and it’s right there. I could have something instantly heated up for River, which helps to avoid “roid rage.”
I’m not kidding when I say the WCK freezer restock is the highlight of the week on the eighth floor. When you’re stuck in your cell of a room, those little things become your novelty. We would open the freezer with great excitement and marvel at the options – opening that freezer door brought joy every week.
The mental energy required to instantly learn a new way of living amongst the trauma is indescribable. At times you have to turn off your brain to the basic needs of eating, sleeping, etc… But if you’re not nourishing yourself, your energy begins to deplete quickly. You’re so exhausted that the fact you can just heat something up helps us to partially refill our tank to keep going.
DJ: Financially, the food took off such a pressure. Without those freezer items, we would have had to order a $50 delivery for every family meal. Some parents lose all their income, so takeout or grocery deliveries are impossible. Even if you can afford to use a meal delivery app, the exhaustion is on a different level. It feels almost impossible to scan through the blur of all the options and type out your information. Having easy-to-heat meals close at hand is such a lifesaver.
Our message to donors and volunteers
DJ: I want to say a heartfelt thank you to everyone who has volunteered with or donated to WCK. It really does change our experience. The amount you can pack in that freezer is incredible, and the impact for families multiplies over many times.
Frannie: River wants to say a big thank you to everyone who has donated and volunteered! I want to say thank you, too. You met our needs during the craziest time of our entire life. You gave us energy to focus on our child. We took care of her, and you took care of us. We’re so grateful.
Life now
Frannie: Life is different now. When we got to come home again, it didn’t feel fully like home. The goal of River’s cancer treatment is to tank her immune system, so she is at a high risk of infection. It took a month to get the house as clean as it needed to be for her. When she slept, I would do a deep disinfect of each room. There was so much work to be done and I didn’t have a chance to start decompressing.
WCK's support continued as we transitioned to life back at home. People don’t always realize how challenging life continues to be after in-patient treatment – it’s not “back to normal.” The deliveries of meals to stock our freezer at home help to ease our daily burden and remind us that a whole community continues to care about us, especially because we don’t have a local support network from extended family.
Reconnecting as a family took time, especially as Gavin and Emerie had become so independent. We still have to weigh up which activities we can add back into our life. For example, we can’t yet go back to church because there are too many people. I’m not able to work yet because daycare environments are too risky and there’s also a lot for me to mentally navigate.
It might be another year before we’re fully back to ourselves, but we will get there together. In the meantime, it’s communities like WCK that resource and support us, showing us we are not alone.
Hey! I'm Corrie
Want to learn more about our food support programs? Reach out to the WCK Food Team at foodprograms[at]wckfoundation.ca with all your questions.